What Does It Mean To Be Someone's Valentine?

Valentine’s day is just around the corner and if you’re hoping to celebrate this holiday with a valentine, but you aren’t sure what it means to be someone’s valentine, we have answers and advice on when and how to ask. 

What does it mean to be someone’s valentine? 

Being someone’s valentine means different things to different people. For many, being someone’s valentine means spending Valentine’s Day together, going on a date, or exchanging gifts like chocolates, flowers, or a card. Being someone’s valentine is a way of expressing your romantic feelings for eachother. 

You might ask your crush, someone you’re dating, your partner you’ve been with for years, or your spouse to be your valentine. While in all of these situations being someone’s valentine means expressing romantic feelings, you can also be your friend's valentine, or someone you don’t have any romantic or sexual feelings for. 

For example, for those that find Valentine’s Day too commercialized, they might choose to have no valentine at all, or ask their friend to be their valentine. People who aren’t in a romantic relationship, or don’t experience romantic attraction (known as aromantic) might do the same.

In fact, a study published in 2019 found that 35% of adults have never been in a romantic relationship. For all of these people, being someone’s valentine might not be about expressing romantic feelings at all, but instead expressing care and appreciation for friends or family. 

Some people might even choose to be their own valentine if they're focusing on self-love and prioritizing their relationship with themself over romantic relationships. “Galentine’s Day”, for example, is a popular term that has been used by single women on Valentine’s Day to celebrate themselves, or their friendships with other women. 

In all of these situations, being someone’s valentine might mean showing your friend, roommate, or perhaps sibling or parent, how much you care, appreciate, and admire them. You may choose to go out to dinner together, get a card for each other, talk on the phone, send a care package, or simply send them a text on Valentine’s Day telling them how much they mean to you as a friend. 

It’s up to you to decide what it means to be someone’s valentine. And if you’re feeling pressure this Valentine’s Day to have a romantic relationship, remember that even though our culture places a lot of importance on romantic relationships, friendships can be just as important, and your valentine doesn’t have to be someone you have romantic feelings for. 

When do you ask someone to be your valentine? 

It’s up to you to decide when to ask someone to be your valentine. Many people ask someone to be their valentine one or two weeks before Valentines Day, which is on February 14. However, you can ask someone to be your valentine anytime, or even on the day of Valentine’s Day. 

If you’re wondering when in a relationship you should ask someone to be your valentine, that’s up to you to decide. Some people in long term relationships expect their partner to ask them to be their valentine, others don’t. In newer relationships, many people worry that asking someone to be their valentine “too early” in the relationship will be a turn off. 

You might consider what being someone’s valentine means to you to help you decide when to ask someone to be your valentine. If asking someone to be your valentine means being in a committed, monogamous relationship, for example, ask yourself if you’re ready for that and if you think the other person is too, and also be sure to communicate it. If being someone’s valentine is about friendship, this may change when you ask someone to be your valentine, and also needs to be communicated.  

How to ask someone to be your valentine? 

Whether you want to keep it casual or go all-out, there are so many ways to ask someone to be your valentine. Here are three ways to ask someone to be your valentine. 

1) With a card

There are so many cards that say “will you be my valentine?” Get a card at your local drug store or bookshop and give it to your valentine, or find a card online and send it electronically. 

2) Keep is casual and send a text

If all the pink hearts, chocolates, flowers, and expectations around Valentine’s Day aren’t your thing, but you still want to ask someone to be your valentine, a text might be the way to go. You can say something like “I’d love to spend Valentine's Day with you, will you be my valentine?” or “hey bestie, will you be my valentine this year?” 

3) Make a grand gesture 

If you’re into going big, you can ask someone to be your valentine by planning a big surprise. Wow them by delivering flowers to their door with a note that says “will you be my valentine?” or cook them their favorite meal (bonus if you add some candles) and ask them while you have quality time together. 

Being someone’s valentine means expressing your feelings for someone, whether it’s romantic feelings or not. For some, Valentine’s Day is just like any other day, and for others, this day is an opportunity to tell the people in your life how much you care about them, and to love yourself.